When I think back to the lessons I have learned in life that have made me who I am, I wonder if there was one specific moment that gave me a specific quality or was it a series of events over time that made me learn my lesson. For example, honesty. As a child I remember two specific events where I made a dishonest decision and my parents used that decision to teach me a lesson. The first one I remember was when I shopping at the grocery store one day with my mom. I took a small pack of gum and put it under my shirt when we were at the checkout stand. When we got in the car, I climbed into the very back seat to open my gum. My mother immediately turned around and asked me what I had. I sheepishly held up the pack of gum. She didn't yell at me but told me that it was stealing and it was wrong. She also marched me right back into the store and made me give the gum back to the manager and apologize for stealing.
The next time I remember learning a lesson was when I took my dad's calculator over to my grandma's without his permission. I believe they asked me if I knew where it was and I told them no. (because I didn't take it back home) Apparently, my grandma had made a back of my stuff and sent it home and they had that bag. When they asked about it and showed me the bag, I had to admit that I had lied about it. I think I had to come up with my own punishment, which was probably worse than they would have done. Lesson learned.
Over the years, I have learned different lessons about life. One in particular that has helped me in my marriage thus far. Growing up, I can't remember any time that I remember my parents fighting. I know they had their disagreements because my mom had told me when I was older that there were times early on that she had wanted to give up. At a cousin's reception a few weeks ago, my Uncle Ron told me about a time when my parents had gotten into a fight and my dad told my mom "We have two options: 1) we work it out, or 2) we get a divorce, and divorce isn't an option, so we have to work it out." That kind of decision between my parents early on made it so my parents always found a way to work it out. In order to do that, it takes communication. I am grateful that I have learned how to communicate well so I can use that same skill in my marriage. I know that things will not be perfect, but if I can talk to my husband about how I feel, we can both be happy.
I can't say that there was one particular incident that I remember that helped me express myself. It could have been later on in life after I got out on my own and I had to experience life the hard way or something else. As I think about it, I think most of the lack of communication in general comes from fear of betrayal, rejection or being judged. Some hold back how they feel because they don't want to hurt someone, but it ends up only hurting themselves in the end. I do know that I have always had an invisible wall up to protect my own inner feelings. Part of that wall came from the teasing I got growing up in elementary school when I got teased by my classmates because I was "different". At that age, kids were/are just plain mean and I learned to wall up those hurt feelings. The other part of the wall is just because I am human. It takes a lot for me to let that guard down and very few people have been able to see the side of me that makes me tick. Rory is one of the few people that I can honestly say, knows every little detail and I can't be more grateful for it.
Now, that I have gotten slightly sidetracked, communication by itself can't be successful if you can't learn to listen. I can say how I feel over and over and it's not going to change anything if I don't listen to the other person and what they have to say. I feel like I have always been that friend that my friends always felt that they could go to when they needed a friend to listen to them. I don't know if it was because they knew I wouldn't judge them or if it was because they knew I could just listen. I would occasionally try to offer my thoughts but for the most part, I was there as a friend. Maybe, I was good at listening because deep down, I was being the kind of person I felt I needed most and if I could be that person for someone else, that was good enough for me. I have always had the desire to reach out to people to help them or change their lives. That the reason why I chose Music Therapy as my degree when I originally when to college. I loved the program and my clinical classes. I still remember doing therapy sessions where I left knowing, I helped someone that day. That's why I love my job now. I may not be doing therapy but I love seeing the residents at my community every day and saying hello to them. I know that my smile and friendly hello may makes their day.
There I go, on another tangent. Listening and communication: two qualities that I have found so important to me. I am thankful that I have the ability to use both of them because I know it will make my marriage better as Rory and I find our differences. I am thankful that he listens to me and does what he can to communicate how he feels and that we both want to make each other happy.
