I find it interesting how our choices and the choices of other impact us and others around us. When I made the decision to marry Rory, I knew that I was getting myself into a challenging situation with his ex-wife and children. I loved Rory and had the feeling that I was making the right decision by marrying him. While it was definitely not what I had always planned on for the person whom I was going to marry, I knew that he was what I was looking for in a spouse and that he made me happy. I have genuinely come to love his children completely and treat them as if they were my own children. I want nothing more than their happiness. In observing how Rory’s ex continually challenges him in every aspect is very frustrating for me to watch. I have seen emails exchanged between them where it seems she doesn’t care what Rory’s opinion is. She wants to do things her way and only her way, whether or not we (Rory and I) feel it’s best for the kids. Not too long ago, Rory asked her to remove me from the exasperating email chains in which I was always included in. When I was included in the email chains, I literally had to restrain myself from sending her an email when she would throw up the brick walls because Rory would disagree with decisions she wanted to make regarding the children.
It seems there is always something that is being discussing or brought up to cause some sort of disagreement. The most recent challenge came up last Sunday when she emailed Rory and informed him that she had begun attending a different church she feels better aligns with her personal beliefs. Because of this, the children will be attending with her when they are with her every other weekend. She feels that it will give the children a more well-rounded view of religion. I have difficulty handling this because I don’t see how it will be healthy for the children, especially at their young ages of 3 and 5. Her church doesn’t believe that heaven and hell are actual places but a state of mind in the here and now. They don’t believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. He is in our “way shower” and Jesus was the perfect example of the Christ in us all. They do, however, apply his principles and teachings of Truth in their daily living. They do not believe he is the Son of God; he was filled with the Spirit of God as we all are. They don’t believe salvation comes after we die. It’s in the here and now we receive salvation as it is a state of being.
I completely respect other religions and have no problem with a religion that helps someone become a better person, or strive to become a better person using Christ as an example. However, I don’t like when my children are going to be caught in the middle of two religions. The things taught between these two religions completely oppose each other. When children as young as they are have two sets of parents telling them information that are opposite, it will confuse them. When they get older, if they want to learn about other religions and make the choice on their own, I will fully support them. I have had religious conversations with friends who do not share the same religious beliefs as I do. They don't get heated but it's clear where we differ in our beliefs. It usually comes down to "believe in Christ as our Savior and strive to be more like him". I know what I know about Jesus Christ and know that there is a purpose in life, which is to return to him after this life.
There is a positive side to this situation at the current time. When Rory got divorced, his ex was afraid he would leave the church. He had been inactive for many years of his marriage and he began going back to church during the divorce. She wanted to make sure that the children would attend church. If he chose not to go to church and take the children she wanted to opportunity to take them herself. It was written into the decree that the children would be raised in the LDS church. The divorce was his trigger for him finding his testimony and he became a better person because of it. Rory has continued to take the kids to church even when I am unable to be there because of work. Hopefully we will be able to work something out so we can take the children to church weekly.
Thinking about this situation, I am reminded about how life choices affect not only yourself but those around us. If Rory’s ex had not made the choice to get divorced, I would have never met Rory. If they had not gotten divorced, Rory may not have gone back to church and become who he is now. If my old roommate Courtney and I had never lived together, I would have never met her mother and she would have never suggested that Rory go on a date with me. If I hadn’t gone through the struggles that I did many years ago, I may not have had the compassion and love that I have for people now, which is the same compassion I need to care for the children. We often wonder what life would be like “If I had made a different choice” or “If this had not happened”. I can’t say that I know where I would be in my life if I hadn’t lost my mom. I can’t say that I know what would have happened if I said, “I love you” to the boyfriends that I remember being my first experience of love and heartbreak. I can’t say that if I hadn’t struggled with my testimony that I would still be attending church. I can say that I am grateful for every heartbreak, feeling of loneliness, and my struggle with what I believed in because I know every single experience has made me who I am today. If I had not experienced those, I very may well not have met the man who I believe is literally the love of my life. For that, I couldn’t be more grateful for my life choices and how the choices of other have blessed my life.
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